In November, 2019 – I wrote on an older blog of mine (which I hosted under Wix) about the feeling like there’s two of me inside one body. I was really looking for something to write about today but I was also feeling a little lazy and thought there might be something I could reuse.
Here’s the post in it’s entirety:
Yesterday was a good day. Today, not as great.
I mean, sure, we did a lot of fun things: videos, cooking, playing and laughing and on the surface, that looked all fine and dandy. Here’s the problem: I didn’t show up as the person I wanted to today.
Instead of letting more things just slide off my back I carried them around with me in a sac. When I do that, I feel like a whole other me has shown up to take on the day. This me, for some reason, feels like it’s his job to just be in control. “Kids do this, kids do that, boss, boss boss.”
I then get worked up because the kids don’t want to see things my way and then all we do is fight. Then I feel guilty, then I write this after they are asleep, beating myself up over the whole day.
My problem is that I don’t know how to stop it once it gets started. Like, how I just cut those thoughts out and return to just letting things be as they are. How I just return to the grounded person I can be and that I want to be on a daily basis. It’s hard. I’ve got my affirmations, I’ve got my meditation and all that and somehow this cranky bastard of a person comes out of me from no where.
Maybe by getting down here “on paper” so to speak and out of my head will help turn the tide. I guess we’ll find out tomorrow.
So, how am I fairing 8~9 months later? I would say we’re seeing some improvement, especially in this last week. If you didn’t read my post about the book How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk, I’d recommend it. Only a few days in to applying the techniques with my kids and I’ve notice a tremendous shift in my behavior.
That’s right. I’ve been thinking on it and really, I don’t think my children’s behavior is changing all that much. Objectively, they are still as wild as they’ve ever been and they say/do the same things they’ve always have. It’s that I’m reacting completely different. A number of would-be shouting matches have already deescalated themselves simply with the line “Oh, you sound pretty upset about that.”
As long as I listen to their answer (and maybe sum up their feelings again one more time), they usually either a) get over it or b) find something else they want to talk about that makes them happy and they become happy. If I don’t escalate the situation, they seem to have a natural desire to get over it.
When I’m not getting myself worked up, the other Nick doesn’t seem to come up. It’s like he’s lazy or defending his territory. Oh? We’re fighting right now? My turn! Something like that. I’m still not sure how I’d put him back in the bag and deal with him when he comes out next or refocus his energy into something more productive.
I’m not saying that this is the only reason things are going better – it’s just that I’ve been putting energy into communicating with my kids and it feels like it’s working. If it feels like it’s working – keep doing it. I can say that by making it a priority, my life feels like it’s getting better and I’m happier.
A few other things are probably helping my overall satisfaction – including going to bed earlier, exercising, meditation, eating a bit better, some fasting, more water and breathing exercises. I’ve made all those changes this week. Pick anyone of them if you want. I’m choosing the communication thing as the biggest reason for the change and I’ll be finishing that book diligently for sure.